"Differential Diagnosis"

A colored belt in Taekwondo symbolizes your journey through life and its teachings.? You are born pure and white as you descend from the heavens, only to be slowly submerged into the darkness and cruelty of the real wold as time goes by. To be honored by receiving a belt promotion from your master is a pretty big deal at most institutions.? It symbolizes your progression in that style and embodies the dedication you have put into your training.

Early one Saturday morning, I was awakened by the irritating, non-stop sound of my phone’s reminder tone. As I clumsily stumbled around my room looking for the phone, I realized the sound was coming from my gym bag for some odd reason. I open up the bag and start rummaging through it in hopes of shutting off that phone and getting back to bed. Taking little note of my pressed “special events” Taekwondo uniform inside the bag, I finally silence my phone and went back to bed.

Suddenly, my brain pieced two and two together, I had to be at the martial arts academy in less than an hour to take part in a belt exam! Months of preparation, coupled with an outstanding performance at my fight debut had finally earned me the right to test for the next belt rank; today I was going to earn my blue belt!

There was only one problem, I had gotten home only a few hours ago from a typical night of heavy drinking and partying.? A few hours of sleep, a dehydrated body, and still slightly tipsy…I was in no condition to be doing anything but sleeping. I knew the smart thing to do would be to go back to sleep and recover, but I didn’t know when I’d be allowed to test again if I missed this opportunity. The decision was a no brainer.

I drunkenly stumbled down the hall towards my bathroom for a quick shower. Luckily, I had prepared everything prior to going out the night before, so after a few minutes, and a quick bottled water chug, I was ready to go.

“Ready stance! ” The master yelled out in Korean as we all took our places to commence the exam. A quick salute to the flag , bow to the master and the testing began. Hour after hour, my body struggled against me in an attempt to shutdown and recover, but I maintained control and carried on. My eye sight blurred and morphed into tunnel vision as the floor beneath me wobbled and my pores ejected toxic sweat. It was a miserable experience.? I had often joked that I was coordinated enough to pass a field sobriety test even in a drunken stupor and this experience removed all doubt.

My execution of the techniques and forms was passable, but no where near my personal level of satisfaction. As my name was called, I walked up to the front of the class, shook hands with my instructor and received my new belt. Even though I had worked months to make it here, I felt as if my sorry condition and unsatisfactory performance had tainted this promotion and ruined what was suppose to be a very special event.

That blue belt, which I wore for about 6 months afterward, served as a constant reminder of the disappointment in myself for having chosen to drink and party the night before an event that used to mean the world me. It was Taekwondo that helped me through the roughest patch of my breakup and allowed me to pick up the pieces. The satisfaction that comes from being promoted or watching a student you helped train be promoted is immeasurable, yet I had so easily tossed it aside for one night of fun. What was I becoming?

1. floreta says:

   April 29, 2009 at 11:48 am

   i like how you reminisce in your blog posts.. the way you write is very interesting.. like memoir!! i don’t get a sense that it’s anything “of the moment” that you write about but past recollections.. i like it!

   in my martial art there is a lot of tradition. it is kind of comforting, maybe bcos of my catholic background. i appreciate that.

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2. MinD says:

   April 29, 2009 at 12:57 pm

   One less in my reader! =P

   Beautifully written, but very melancholy. As adults, we often take too much for granted, assuming that even after a night of drinking, we can do anything. But that’s not always the case. Sure, it’s great that you earned your blue belt despite a hangover, but next time you may not be so lucky.

   I’m not one for drinking if I work any time before 4 p.m. the next day, and yet I have. And I’ve had to suffer through work as a result. Sometimes we never learn. Sometimes we don’t care. But at least after the fact, we’re able to recognize the mistake. When we can’t anymore, there’s a bigger issue at hand.

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3. Jodi says:

   April 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm

   I hate it when things happen to me like that! At least you didn’t sleep through the entire thing!

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4. ScoMan says:

   April 30, 2009 at 6:12 am

   It’s just as you said, you worked months and months for this and because you were off your game on the day you feel you didn’t deserve it.

   Had you been hungover the week before and at 100% on the final day, it would have been okay.

   I’m not saying you’re wrong. I would have felt the same way. It’s just the human mindset is a complex thing.

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5. andhari says:

   April 30, 2009 at 8:05 am

   Like you said, you forget. If you knew you would miss the party right. It’s okay, JJ. We make moves like this, and regret it. It’s not so bad, really.*hug*

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6. unbreakable says:

   April 30, 2009 at 8:56 am

   Its a regular occurence for people to works very hard and at the end they throw it away. I have to commend you on the great job you did. way to go dude

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7. OmegaRadium says:

   May 1, 2009 at 1:48 pm

   @floreta I like to reflect on important events and take a lesson from them formyself before posting them for others to enjoy. Also, it helps me remember where I’ve come from and re-enforce the decisions I’ve made and the decisions I’m making today.

   @MinD Recognize the mistake I did indeed, and you’re right we can do ALMOST anything…just not when we’re hung over. I learned my lesson. Thanks for the comment and praise, means a lot coming from a journalist.

   @Jodi Sleeping through the entire thing would have made me feel worse, thank goodness I was responsible enough to set my alarm the day before!

   @ScoMan The human mind is indeed a very complex thing. I never thought about it the way you put it, having drank any other day except on this one.

   @andhari Thanks for the hug, it was an important moment when I realized my mistake.

   @unbreakable Thanks for the compliment, I did work hard for that belt promotion and did indeed almost ruin it.

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8. ChinkyGirLMeL says:

   May 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm

   Aww… I’m so amazed at how mature you are. Others would have just shrugged it off, smiled, and drank some more for being able to pass such an exam. But you my dear, though you passed it, you felt bad for not being able to give it as much effort as you would have if you weren’t drunk. Lessons like these are forever. It’s good that you learned from this experience. =)

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9. Justin says:

   May 5, 2009 at 6:37 am

   I would say that you were becoming human. To err is to be human. Most of us have made mistakes where in which alcohol was involved. I had a huge party the night before my first day of work at a new job once. The next day I could not even move. I left for work and vomited out the window at every mile marker. That day I called out of work. Yes, my first day of work! I thought I was finished. It has been over 6 years and I am still there! Interesting link between belts and life! Keep it up

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10. “Differential Diagnosis” » Metamorphosis says:

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11. “Differential Diagnosis” » The Introvert Transition says:

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