"Differential Diagnosis"

[Part 1 of this story]
[Part 2 of this story]
[Part 3 of this story]
[Part 4 of this story]
[Part 5 of this story]

Upon walking into the classroom, it took a few moments for my eyes to get used to the dim lighting within. ? The Texas heat, the brutal desert sun, and the full speed run across campus had left me drained, but as my vision slowly came back, my energy was returning in the form of pure adrenaline. ? Had my bag been plundered and pillaged while I was away? Would I have any chance of recouping my stolen goods? ? What would I do if I had been jacked?

As I sat down, I immediately reached below my desk looking for my backpack. ? Merely discovering its presence below my desk brought some comfort, but I had to be sure. Pulling it out from under the desk, I quickly inspected each pocket one by one looking for any signs of tampering. ? My books & notebooks were present, but who would steal those? ? My Mexican candy pockets had been left untouched. My loose change was all there. That???s when I discovered…my chocolates pocket was wide open!

I reached my hand into the open pocket, only to realize it was completely empty. ? I had been jacked, someone had stolen my entire stock of chocolates. ? The walls of the classroom seemed to cave in on me as I looked around for possible clues or suspects. ? Chocolate stains on their mouth or teeth, chocolate wrappers on the floor, nervous and shifty eyes, anything, but I found nothing.

I crumbled up a clean sheet of notebook paper and walked to the only trashcan in the room to throw it away. I took a quick inventory of the trash within as I tossed the paper in the bin. No chocolate wrappers in the trash, no chocolate stains on anyone, this meant the thief was smart enough not to flaunt his newly acquired chocolate stash in any way.

When the bell finally rang, indicating the end of that class period, I knew I was screwed and I’d never figure out who it was that stole from me. Luckily those chocolates hadn’t been selling as well since the introduction of my Mexican candy, but I was upset on the principle of the matter.

Even though my mother would pick me up, I would head out to the bus stop everyday and make my sales. ? There, I encountered an old classmate from the year before. ? In 6th grade, I was placed on a schedule where I rotated within a ???team” of teachers who would normally handle the “trouble kids.” ? I naturally didn’t belong, but I was considered a genius among my peers in my classes. People would come to me for help on homework, class work and even tests in exchange for favors. (more on this later)

This “old classmate” I encountered at the bust stop was just one of the many who frequently needed my services last year. ? In fact, he credited me as the only reason he passed 6th grade. ? Feeling he still owed me a favor or two, he motioned me over to him and pointed at a backpack sitting in the shade unattended. “Your candy is in that bag.” He said, and then pointed out its owner, who was playing football a few yards away.? I recognized the guy, he sits behind me in the class I had my candy stolen in.

Without even thinking twice, I bribed a nearby student to nonchalantly relocate the perpetrator’s bag a few inches from its current location. Without hesitation, the student accepted my candy bribe and the job was done. ? About 30 minutes later, the final school busses had arrived, and the candy thief made his way back to collect his bag which had been sitting in the sun for the last half hour. As he opened his bag to insert his precious football, I heard him yell “ahh! gross!”? With the final busses in place, and my payback executed, I made my way back to my extraction point, aka where my mom would park and wait to pick me up.

The next day in class, I made sure to assess the damage to his bag. A large glob of chocolate had melted in his bag under the Texas heat, staining his notebooks and leaving a nasty residue on his bag. For the rest of the year, anytime he opened his bag, the sweet aroma of chocolaty victory escaped into the air and I would just smile. “Don’t take what I don’t give you.”

1. andhari says:

   July 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm

   Totally served him right. Way to give him a lesson.

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2. ScoMan says:

   July 8, 2009 at 4:47 am

   That is some awesome revenge.

   You are obviously some sort of evil genius, and I bow before you.

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3. ChinkyGirLMeL says:

   July 8, 2009 at 6:15 am

   Ahahahahahaha…In addition to what ScoMan said, all I have to say is that is what I would call SWEET REVENGE! nyahahahahaa

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4. Dani says:

   July 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

   That is great…he got what was coming his way. Karma is a bitch. Your old classmate was a real help to you! I hope u gave him some free candy for helping you out.

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5. TOPolk says:

   July 9, 2009 at 2:48 am

   Good lookin’ out by your old classmate. And who says moles aren’t good for anything?

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6. floreta says:

   July 11, 2009 at 10:26 am

   haha sweet revenge. i’m caught up on your story and thoroughly impressed! and now i can see why you can talk to people older than you than most your age

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7. Unbreakable says:

   July 19, 2009 at 12:54 pm

   LoL In my mom words, there is more than one way to skin a cat, now he is living with that guilt all year, with the constant reminder from the aroma of the chocolate kicking him in the face every time he open his bag.

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8. OmegaRadium says:

   July 20, 2009 at 10:48 am

   @andhari Yea, that’ll teach him to steal from anyone!

   @ScoMan Thanks, I like to dabble on the Dark Side sometimes. Afterall, how can you hope to beat something you aren’t intimately familiar with?

   @ChinkyGirLMeL Revenge is sweet indeed.

   @Dani Karma rocks!

   @TOPolk Moles, or “Assets” as they’re known in the spy business, are very useful as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial to both parties.

   @floreta Yea, most kids that age weren’t exactly operating at that level of cut throat business.

   @Unbreakable Your mom is right! The chocolates weren’t selling well after the Mexican candy came into the picture, and I would need to get rid of them at some point anyway…what better way to do so than to teach a kid a lesson I hope he didn’t soon forget.

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9. “Differential Diagnosis” » Middle School Business: Transporting & Distributing says:

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