"Differential Diagnosis"

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My 7th grade algebra teacher, I swear she had spawned from a cloud of chalk dust of erased algebraic equations. ? The woman was obsessed with numbers and formulas, I had never seen anything like it, and my father was a math teacher for a few years!

Every day, it was pages and pages of notes and algebra problems jotted down and solved on our graph paper notebooks. ? I had never been a fan of math, and the only thing that made this class tolerable was the fact that practically everyone in the class bought boatloads of candy from me on a daily basis. ? Who could blame them? A subject as dull as algebra required a sugar rush or two just to keep everyone awake.

It was during this mid-morning algebra class when a student knocked on the door. *knock* *knock* *knock*???Come in!??? the teacher shouted as she looked towards the now open doorway. A student walks in and hands the teacher a pink form every student had come to dread. Behind the student stood our school security officer, who is an actual police officer, working with the school district, not a generic rent-a-cop.

The pink ???office summons??? slip was a one way ticket towards disciplinary actions in the fortress of torture known as ???the office.??? ? It doesn???t matter what you???ve done, or why you???re being summoned, merely having your name on one of these slips immediately awarded you with respect and ???street cred.??? ? Well, as much ???street cred??? as one can have in 7th grade.

The added presence of our school???s security officer would be an extreme boost in street cred to whomever???s name was on that pink piece of paper! ? My mind began to wonder, ???What did this person do? Beat someone up in the hallway! Steal from a teacher! Break a window on the principal???s car! ? Brought a weapon to school! It had to be something serious if the PD was here!???

The teacher quickly read the pink slip and addressed the class. ???Omega, please grab your things and wait for me out in the hall.??? A collective gasp was heard as the walls around me suddenly closed in. ? Everyone in class was looking right at me, and there was only one thing I could do.

I mentally shook off the panic, stood up, grabbed my things, and walked right out the door. ? As the classroom door shut behind the police officer, I turned back to glance one last time at my fellow classmates. ? A look of shock and awe was frozen on each of their faces. ? For a goodie good like me to be summoned to the office and escorted by a police officer, something extremely serious was going on, and they knew it.

Out in the hallway, by my locker, my algebra teacher stood silently as the police officer explained to me the procedure we would be following for conducting a search. ? Apparently the school administration had reason to believe I may be storing and/or transporting, and distributing ???certain substances??? across campus.

Bags and bags of these ???substances??? were discovered both in my locker, and in my backpack, and I knew it was all over now. The police officer opened one of the bags and briefly tasted a sample of its contents. He had confirmed his suspicions and even the ruse of ???candy enthusiast??? wouldn???t save me now.

I calmly explained to both the officer and my teacher about my candy sales operations and how successful it had proven to be. ? I convinced them to overlook the multiple bags of candy in my possession and only turn in one bag to the principal. ? A few pieces of exotic candy for each of the grownups sealed the deal.

The officer and I proceeded to the principal???s office carrying a single bag of candy from my stash. ? Inside the dreaded office was my friend and candy sales associate Ferny.

Apparently Ferny has been the primary suspect all along, and I was brought in for questioning when they discovered an envelope full of money with my name on it in his backpack. ? The police officer had seen Ferny and multiple students exchanging several small bags for money the past few days, and the envelope with money just furthered his suspicions. Talk about a misunderstanding!

Luckily, everyone in the room had a good laugh about it and I got to keep my envelope of money and the bag of candy. Being the clever 7th grader, as a sign of good faith, I gave the principal and police officer a few ???samples??? from my candy inventory. My secret operation was out in the open now, and I wasn???t asked to stop.

I however, had a new mission. I needed to know how one became a student office aide with pink slip powers…

1. ScoMan says:

   July 22, 2009 at 3:03 am

   hahahahahahaha that is hilarious.

   That is an awkward misunderstanding, and explains the prescence of the cop.

   Good to see the whole thing was cleared up and no consequences fell on your head =)

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2. Dani says:

   July 22, 2009 at 8:29 am

   LOL…they totally thought they were gonna bust you. That is too funny.

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3. ChinkyGirLMeL says:

   July 22, 2009 at 9:10 am

   Lols! hahahahaha… so now that it was out in the open, i guess you could keep selling all those candies huh? =)

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4. TOPolk says:

   July 23, 2009 at 12:21 pm

   Offering bribes to the police? What type of Candy Czar were you turning into?!

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5. OmegaRadium says:

   August 1, 2009 at 5:08 pm

   @ScoMan Yea, crazy misunderstanding! It was also the first time I learned that cops make mistakes too.

   @Dani I bet that cop was just salivating at the thought of busting a jr. drug kingpin

   @ChinkyGirLMeL and keep selling those candies I did indeed!

   @TOPolk Money, power, and candy can corrupt any seventh grader. This was only the begining.

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6. “Differential Diagnosis” » Middle School Business: Pink Slip Power Go! says:

   August 1, 2009 at 5:11 pm

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