"Differential Diagnosis"

“Bzzz! Bzzzzz! Bzzz!” My phone vibrated loudly just as I was stepping out of the shower. A text message from a girl, but not just any girl, this was the girl who’d motivated me to start working out with her and my coworkers. This was my accomplice for several fun filled weekends, and this weekend would be no exception. I ignored the text message for the time being, but quickly returned to it once I was shaved and dressed.

“Come by my place tonight, I have a surprise you won’t want to miss…bring drinks.” I smile a sly, devilish grin for a few moments as I thought to myself, “I love her surprises,” and gathered my wallet & keys. My first stop, the liquor store to pick up a few of our favorite drinks, then off to her place for my “surprise.”

Her place, a large co-ed dorm located on a military installation, is much like a typical college dorm on the inside, but it’s outward appearance is that of a quiet, orderly building. The hallways and common areas are homey and elegant, but within each private room a multitude of happenings goes on mostly unnoticed. From underage drinking, to adultery, and even domestic abuse, things aren’t always as nice and orderly as they may appear.

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As some of you already know, today is in fact my birthday.  I’ve been working on this particular post for a while now, not truly knowing when or if I should post it. This is one of my longer posts, but it explores who I was years ago, how I became who I am today, and what I’m doing to improve my social standing in life. It was heavily inspired by Floreta???s post ???On Friendship.???

I have included several links to previous blog entries that delve deeper into the subject matter written about in that particular section. For the full experience, I recommended you check out the blog posts linked if you haven???t already. Enjoy!

-Omega

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As a result of my run in with the cops in the last installment, ? I had now made it my goal to find out how a student could become an office aide and attain the magical pink slips that can summon my fellow students out of class at any time.

I imagined the endless possibilities of having VIP clients whom I could pull out of class and sell candy to, for a premium price of course. ? Being able to roam the halls with my own custom hall pass, completely immune from teacher, hall monitor, or school security interferrance would practically have me owning the school’s hallways and offer limitless potential for my candy business. I needed this power, I craved it! More »

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My 7th grade algebra teacher, I swear she had spawned from a cloud of chalk dust of erased algebraic equations. ? The woman was obsessed with numbers and formulas, I had never seen anything like it, and my father was a math teacher for a few years!

Every day, it was pages and pages of notes and algebra problems jotted down and solved on our graph paper notebooks. ? I had never been a fan of math, and the only thing that made this class tolerable was the fact that practically everyone in the class bought boatloads of candy from me on a daily basis. ? Who could blame them? A subject as dull as algebra required a sugar rush or two just to keep everyone awake. More »

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Upon walking into the classroom, it took a few moments for my eyes to get used to the dim lighting within. ? The Texas heat, the brutal desert sun, and the full speed run across campus had left me drained, but as my vision slowly came back, my energy was returning in the form of pure adrenaline. ? Had my bag been plundered and pillaged while I was away? Would I have any chance of recouping my stolen goods? ? What would I do if I had been jacked?

As I sat down, I immediately reached below my desk looking for my backpack. ? Merely discovering its presence below my desk brought some comfort, but I had to be sure. Pulling it out from under the desk, I quickly inspected each pocket one by one looking for any signs of tampering. ? My books & notebooks were present, but who would steal those? ? My Mexican candy pockets had been left untouched. My loose change was all there. That???s when I discovered…my chocolates pocket was wide open! More »

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Like any good businessman, I was constantly thinking up of ways to improve my business. I upgraded from small hand written notes passed around in class, to ink-jet printed menus with full color pictures of the candy & prices. ? I would do my best to arrive to class early to pass out my menus without drawing too much attention.

For some of my more trustworthy customers, I carried around a notebook where I would keep track of their IOU???s. Being such loyal customers, I wouldn???t want them to go candy-less at any point. ? Of course, should one of them fail to pay up their IOU???s before the end of the week, they would be cut-off from my services. Once you???ve gotten used to all that candy, it???s hard to be cut off for any extended period of time, they always paid up eventually. More »

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Many of you have asked if my parents knew about my activities. Yes, my parents were fully aware of my candy sales business, and would support me in any way. My father, being a business major and the descendant of a general store dynasty of the old west, was extremely pleased to see me follow in my grandfather & great grandfather’s footsteps, even in such a limited fashion.? My mother, the daughter of a shoe store owner, was excited I had started my own business, and she provided the tactical support I needed, aka driving me to the store. More »