"Differential Diagnosis"

I’ve always felt out of place with my peers.? I’ve always? felt more mature, and ahead of my friends and fellow class mates.? While they were out partying and enjoying their high school? years, I was in my room learning the inner workings of all things technology, and looking for ways to become more knowledgeable in preparation for a career in IT.? While they were out starting and ending relationships every other week, I took my time searching for that special someone.? While they enjoyed living off of their parent’s money for years, I worked for my money.

During high school, I worked at a fast food joint.? Obviously, this wasn’t my job of preference,so after about a year I left to better things.? After graduation, I began working at a local tax place.? I quickly outgrew that job about a year later, and moved on to work at a local bank.

In no time at all, I became a customer favorite teller and knew all the ins and outs of the teller program.? But with exceptional knowledge comes danger of over stepping your bounds.? Lets just say I accidentally accessed some restricted information while striving to learn more.? Having been singled out as a potential “hacker” and being distrusted by upper management, I decided to leave on my own terms about a year after being hired.

I quickly landed a job at a local Internet service provider, where I rose from a simple receptionist to one of the wireless Internet? pros at the shop.? Turbulent times followed with this company? as it? struggled to survive using outdated technology? & methods, while a new company with? newer tech? moved in.? For various reasons involving the free market, my time there ended in about a year.

My next job was a network cable installer on the local clinic on base.? There, I stumbled into my perfect job by lending a helping “techno” hand to the right person.? My helpful nature, and being at the right time &? right place got me my? current job.

I can honestly say, I? landed the job of my dreams early on in life.? This is the job I? always thought I wanted,? and since? being hired, I? have labeled myself quite successful.? Why not?? The goals I set for myself have all been accomplished beyond what I would have imagined.? Even others looking upon my life have stated how lucky I have been, or commented? about? how well I? have my stuff? together.

This brings us to the present…I’ve been at this job about 2 years now, and with each year that goes by, I feel as thought I’ve accomplished nothing.? Each encounter with an old ‘friend’ leaves me amazed with their personality’s growth.? Most of them have learned and matured more than I ever have, and I ask myself how this is possible.? Did I somehow stop growing, allowing them to pass me?? Or is this a result of their laid back carefree? attitudes finally catching up to them and forcing them to? “grow up”?? Most friends & acquaintances from my? years have all become parents, soldiers,firefighters, husbands, wives, correctional facility employees.? My personal accomplishments pale in comparison to fighting for our country,putting out fires,? raising a kid,making a marriage work, or helping reform people.

Am I looking for personal glory? I hope not, but I am looking for a way to continue my growth.? The problem is, I just can’t figure out how!? I’ve taken an interest in medicine, and have had the idea of becoming a Physician Assistant stuck in my head for the past year now.? Following this path will put me on a long and hard path to becoming a life saver.? Surely I will find meaning in saving people’s lives?? But how many years of my life will I have to give up just to start over in a new field?

However at the same time, I had the opportunity to move to San Antonio and work on the largest DoD Medical Systems database in the world!? There, I can learn from straight from the head honcho’s of my field, putting me in the perfect position to quickly? ascend the ladder of knowledge.? I would be on the fast track to becoming an expert in the field.? But will I find meaning in maintaining? a system much like my own, only on a larger scale and a bigger city?

Would allowing myself the weakness caring for someone again be the key to happiness?? Would a wife bring meaning into my life?? Would kids?? Hell, would joining the military benefit me?? Should I? drop everything and just go to medical school?? ? Would? climbing to the next rung of my current career solve my dilemma?? These are things I constantly ask myself, even if? some of them? do sound ridiculous.

I’ve reached a mental dead? end, and don’t know how to get past it.? ? However, I do know that I MUST find a way to? figure things out.? I? MUST? set my next set of goals based on what I wish to accomplish these next few years.? I MUST figure out out what my priorities in life are…I HAVE TO do something before I wither into meaningless dust.